It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding

The concept of a white wedding has been a constant for almost as long as people have been getting married. Unquestionably, there is a strong history behind the concept, but why is this, and is it still relevant in the present day?

For many, the reasoning behind a “white wedding” is that, on the day she comes to the altar, a bride is virginal. It is immediately easy to see why some people feel the concept to be outdated. In no way is this a slight on the woman getting married, but in the present day, a majority of couples who marry have been living, or at least occasionally spending the night together before they tie the knot. Is it really dishonest to wear white, the color of purity, when you have had a physical relationship with your prospective spouse?

Many would argue not. A white dress can be part of a wedding for more reasons than tradition. Some designs practically demand to be made in white because they are so intricate that adding color to the mix would be somewhat garish. Some people just want to wear white. If tradition were our only guide, we would all still be living in mud huts.

On the day you get married there are only two opinions that should be given foremost prominence, and they are those of the bride and of the groom. If you want a white wedding, then have one – and if you don’t, then that is also fine.

Wedding No-Nos

There are some things which should be obvious to anyone but which are, for whatever reason, blind spots to some. This is clear from the occasional situation which has been given light by the rise in reality TV, where some programs have emerged which feature a groom-to-be making the decisions for their wedding day while the bride sits back (usually at the home of a friend) and waits to see what her beloved achieves. As a result of this concept, there have been some horrific decisions made which should be obvious to anyone with half a brain.

Firstly, although a man may have two big loves in his life – his wife and his sports team – combining the two in a wedding scenario is perhaps the worst decision he could possibly make. If both partners are equally big fans of a team, involving their colors in the ceremony as part of one’s outfit may be acceptable. Otherwise, keep them away from the whole endeavor! Do not make the mistake of thinking that your marriage and your sports team are in any way equal.

Secondly, the venue for a marriage matters. You may be offered a deal which allows you to save money on the venue and gives you the chance to spend the money elsewhere. Your bride will, however, not thank you if the photographs from your big day feature the local sewage works.

And finally, don’t ever believe that holding the reception at your favorite bar is fine just because they know you there and will make you welcome. If it is a place with which you both feel a strong affinity, fine. If not, it just looks like a snub to her wishes.

Cold Feet? Don’t Just Walk Away.

It is fair to say that many people, on their wedding day or in the weeks leading up to it, have occasional periods of doubt over whether they are making the right decision by getting married. This situation is generally described as getting “cold feet”, a strange phrase which seems to have its roots in a time gone past when armies which had limited resources refused to fight on because they had lost or worn out their boots. In modern parlance, it means that due to a failure of daring you do not go ahead with something momentous.

It is understandable that people get this way in the run-up to their wedding day. The occasion of getting married is a pretty momentous one, which has far-reaching implications. While it may not constitute a massive change in the everyday living of your life, it does present something of a conundrum. Beforehand you were not married, and afterwards you will be. Although you would not have considered the idea of being unfaithful while you were merely dating or co-habiting, knowing that you can only be with the one person for the foreseeable future can be troubling for some.

It does not mean that you are not in love with the person you are about to marry, and it does not mean you will be making a mistake by marrying them. Indeed, any sportsman will tell you that nervousness is not necessarily a sign of partial or anticipated regret. It is just a natural reaction to the change in circumstances, but it is not a sign to call things off.

Celebrities – Perhaps Not The Best Role Models

Although we live in a world where diverse tastes are accepted by more and more people, it has to be considered that there are some things which are very hard to argue in favor of. Not least of these is the terrifying three-word phrase: “Celebrity Inspired Wedding”. And yet, if you look briefly at the results of a Google search, you will find that there are many people making this choice. Considering how the marriages resulting from these weddings often turn out, it has to be wondered if taking inspiration from the celebrity world is quite wise.

If the celebrity is someone you have long admired and who influences your style in other ways, then there is an argument to say that you are being true to yourself by being true to them. If, however, you have simply seen the wedding photographs from their expensive and publicity-soaked wedding, you might want to slam on the brakes and think about things. Fashion is an unforgiving mistress. At any given time, a fashionable wedding might look like a real triumph, but those photos will exist in ten, twenty, thirty years’ time, and you are liable to cringe if the celebrity who inspired the look got divorced acrimoniously three months later.

Celebrities get a lot of latitude in what they do because they are celebrities. The media want to keep them sweet and will usually refrain from asking them what exactly they think they are doing. It is wiser to stick to the classics than follow a trend when permanence is an issue. If you want to follow a celebrity, wait until you’re married and copy their haircut.

A Wedding And A Honeymoon All In One?

There is an increasingly large market these days for weddings that form part of a holiday. To be slightly more specific, many people are now taking the choice to get married in another country, allowing themselves a choice of settings which can be visually breathtaking, if not entirely traditional. There are many people who, when this concept is raised, think immediately of the celebrity weddings which have taken place on beaches with one or more of the participants less than fully clothed, sober or conscious. This does not tell the full story at all.

Certainly it could be argued that there is a touch of cynicism in combining the words “tourist” and/or “market” with the word “wedding”. And yet many places have developed a reputation as destinations for whole wedding parties rather than just the honeymoon. By widening the range of where you wish to hold your wedding, you can allow exciting settings such as castles, forests or just about anything you deem appropriate. As well as a geographical dimension, it can also allow a historic element to be included in your wedding.

Thinking more generally, it also means that the wedding photographs will be something to behold, that you do not have far to go for the honeymoon, and that, for couples who come from different places and live far from their families, at least the wedding can be at a neutral venue. It may not be one for the traditionalists, but it is a popular choice for an increasing number of people.

The Ideal Setting

While it once was very widely accepted that a wedding was to be held in a church, temple, mosque, synagogue or any other religious building, the present day shows us an entirely different situation, where a wedding does not need to take place on consecrated ground – largely because it is the wedding itself and the people involved that are to be consecrated. With this widening of the boundaries, it is now possible to get married in a range of settings, and more and more people are choosing this option. While some are skeptical about this change, it is here to stay.

If you are not religious, you may very reasonably decide that you do not want to get married in a church, and just as reasonably argue that if you were to do so you would not be being fair to that church. Surely the vital element of a marriage is honesty, and if the marriage starts with even a symbolic dishonesty there must be some doubt over how it will go forward. A registry office is the most common alternative, although hotels, cruise ships and holiday resorts (many of which are now dedicated to the “wedding market”) are also popular.

The decision over where to marry should be taken equally by bride and groom, deciding on the basis that the choice should be mutual in order to start the marriage on the right foot. Consensus is something you will be looking for in the rest of your lives, so it is fitting that it should start at the beginning.

The Best Man And The Maid Of Honor

If we think of a wedding as a film – and it has to be said that, unless we have been drinking, we usually do not – then the bride and groom are the actor and actress in a lead role, while the positions of “supporting” actor and actress go to the best man and the maid of honor. In a wedding, these latter roles are considered highly important and choosing people to fill them can often be one of the more stressful elements of the whole procedure. When you come to choose your best man or maid of honor, you have to think long and hard about your decision.

Usually, the roles will be given to the person you consider your best friend. They can be related to you by blood or merely by a bond forged in the fires of shared experience, but for many people, the difficulty is in choosing someone without upsetting another person who feels the role should have been theirs. For the bride or groom, avoiding hurt feelings on the part of their friends is often one of the longest tightropes they will ever have to walk.

There is no steadfast way to ensure you get it right, but it is a decision you have to take by yourself. By all means seek advice, and speak to the people you are considering, but when you make that final choice it is essential that you let the people who were not chosen know that they still matter to you, and that the choice was indeed a difficult one. If, after that, they still do not accept it, then they may not realize that the day is about you and your spouse to be rather then themselves.

Now You See Me, Now You Don’t…

Given the implied importance of tradition for a wedding day, there are a lot of things that people superstitiously stick to even given their apparent inconvenience. One of these traditions is that the bride and the groom should not see one another from midnight on the day of the wedding until they meet at the altar. The idea is that, when their eyes meet in the witness of the wedding arena, they should look upon one another as if they were discovering anew the person with whom they will spend the rest of their life.

This is not, strictly speaking, a required part of the wedding and there are certainly plenty of couples celebrating major wedding anniversaries in the present day having spent the night before the wedding together. However, it is still stuck to by many, and can lead to logistical somersaults being turned by the couple in order to avoid running in to one another. In practice, this tends to mean the groom spending the eve of the wedding at the home of his best man, prior to a dash to the altar when they traditionally oversleep (this part is definitely not compulsory).

A couple who have lived together for some time prior to the ceremony may feel one of two ways – that they have seen each other every morning for a while and aren’t about to fix what isn’t broken, or that there is no point in tempting fate by breaking with tradition. In any case, it is not about what happens before the wedding, but what happens after it in the marriage.

Speech! Speech! Speech!

One part of the wedding experience that is considered almost essential is the point during the reception at which, after the meal has been eaten and a reasonable amount of wine has been drunk, the best man gets to his feet and speaks from the heart (and usually from a sheaf of notes filled with juicy stories) about his friend the groom. There is some argument about the tone this speech should take. As they will often have been friends since childhood, there will be at least one story which makes the groom cringe and his new wife momentarily angry.

Often a best man will feel that it is his duty to make this speech as uncomfortable for the groom as possible, but this is somewhat misleading. Certainly, there is room for amusing stories, but the tone of a best man’s speech should be more encouraging than embarrassing. A few funny stories should be interwoven with tales of friendship, and the speech should end with warm congratulations and wishes for all the best of luck to be bestowed upon bride and groom.

For this reason, it is advisable in the case of a reception where alcohol is served that the best man should hold back a little on the consumption of such drinks until his speech is over. No-one will thank you if as a best man you drink your own body weight in wine and reel off a series of stories about past indiscretions which, seen through the filter of the day, make him appear to be a substance-abusing philanderer.

Wedding Day Quirks

When you strip away all of the pageantry and all of the traditions which are not specifically required by law, the present form taken by a wedding is simply a short exchange of vows between two people who have decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. But if you ask a hundred people what marriage, and weddings, mean to them, there will be broad mentions given to the other parts of the process – the little quirks which in and of themselves are not essential, but play a major part in the story.

Think for example of the old saying “something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue”. This has formed part of the superstition around a wedding day for some time, and requires the bride to have with her one item from each category. These items will usually be worn, and often one of them (though generally not the “blue” one or the borrowed) will be the ring. Think also of the throwing of the bouquet, which when caught is said to denote who will be the next female in the congregation to get married.

For the groom, the traditions are less prominent. Indeed, on the male side it is usually the best man who follows tradition, by making a speech (which, theoretically, should embarrass his friend the groom) and by leading the dancing with the head bridesmaid. None of these things is strictly necessary and yet we feel, perhaps despite ourselves, that a wedding is not quite right without them.

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